He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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