Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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