Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
