Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
