Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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