You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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