FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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