Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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