I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
