dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
