i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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