It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You took a bar mat shot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
