OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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