Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
