You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
