Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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