god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
