I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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