I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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