Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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