Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
