It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
