look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
