Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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