If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
