That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
