i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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