So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
