I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
