I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
