She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
