maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
