I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize