so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
