You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
