I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
