dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
