My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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