med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
