omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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