my phone needs a breathalizer
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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