I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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