My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize