I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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