grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
