Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
