You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
