If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
