Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think people are normalizing furries
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize