Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
