Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
