even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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