New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
