We're facebook friends in real life
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize