I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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