i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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