wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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