Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize