somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
