There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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