Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
