omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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