..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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