And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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