so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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