I cockslap morals
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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