fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize