Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
