I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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