i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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