Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize